1 Timothy 6:17 says, "Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment."
So I have always been very thankful for the ways that God provides, and He has always provided. The thing is though that I have never really acknowledged to God how thankful I am for what He is doing in my life and the ways He is providing.
I go to IWU and let me tell you it’s not cheap. I know, my fault for choosing such an expensive school, but when it came down to it I just wanted to be close to home and be at a Christian school. All of first semester I contemplated as to whether or not this is really where God wanted me to be, I had no idea how I was going to pay for spring semester—I still don’t—and honestly I just hated being here, and I went home just about every weekend which didn't help at all.
Pretty much all of fall semester Satan was really attacking me and making me feel like I wasn’t where I was supposed to be and that I had let God down. The sad part…I believed all of it. I was looking and looking for schools to transfer to and I had finally decided I was going to make everything right with God and go where He had wanted me to go all along…KCU. So I called them and told them what was going on and that I felt that I was supposed to be there, they said to send in my information and that they would get in touch with me soon. So I waited and waited until I decided I apparently had to call them. So I did and the phone just kept ringing and ringing and ringing and it finally went to the voice mail. I told myself no big deal, just call back later when it’s not lunchtime. So I called back later and this time I got to talk to to someone. She said she would get back with me again. So I waited and waited and waited….and waited. No call ever came back. At first I was really depressed about this and really kind of angry, I was finally going to do what I thought God wanted me to do and He said no. I took this as God as telling me that I was okay where I was. He didn’t only close the door to KCU, but He slammed it. The strange thing was though that even though I knew God closed that door I still was content with where I was. Satan was still attacking me and telling me that I had let God down by not being where He wanted me to be, and that now there was no way to make my wrong a right. I believed this lie more than the first. I don’t know how many nights I cried about it or how many times when I was home I talked to my parents about it and just cried. I hated that I had felt like I let God down.
Apparently all God wanted was for me to say, “Yes, God I will go. If this is where you want me, send me.” So I said it and that was the end of it, right? I wish! My battle with finding “home” was just beginning. I later decided that I would call BSU. I thought hey a state school would be perfect. There would be so many ministry opportunities available there and I could be witnessing for God all the time, that’s what He wants right? So I went for a visit and talked with an academic advisor. I then later applied. I had so many things I needed to send in with school transcripts that I began to think is it even worth it with all I have to do all the time?
Right before I came back to school for 2nd semester I was struggling with the fact that I no longer wanted to be a social worker. I thought of many possible career choices including dental hygienist, teacher, respiratory therapist, you name it I have probably considered it. To make this story short, I have finally decided on elementary education where I can combine my passion for children with my passion to make kids want to learn and have fun. Well I was back to trying to find another school..why I don’t know. I called BSU again and asked how long it would take for me to get into their education program. The man on the other end told me at least a year, maybe more. I really had no interest in waiting a year to go to school again so I’m pretty sure that God shut that door as well.
With all these doors closed and some still closing, God has been giving me many other opportunities. At the beginning of 2nd semester I decided I would apply to be an RA in one of the dorms. I did thinking okay God, if this is where I’m supposed to be you’re going to have to provide a way. So far it looks like He is providing a way. I have already had five interviews with five dorms and I find out this week if I will get the job! God is so faithful and this time I’m not taking control of this situation and I’m letting Him have the reins. He has also provided me with a summer job already and it’s only February! I will be a camp counselor at a YMCA Camp, and I am so excited about this opportunity. The ways God provides when we let Him have control of our lives is incredible….dare I say a miracle?
I am reminded of 1 Peter of 5:7 which is translated in the NLT as “Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.” When we give up our worries to God He will provide for us—once again maybe not how we think He should—and take away our anxieties, if we give them COMPLETELY to Him. Now I’m not saying I’m perfect at this, because it is really hard to give something that’s not tangible to someone who I can’t see, but that’s when we have to allow God to have complete reign over our hearts.
When I think about allowing God to have control of our lives and reign over our hearts I think of the song You Won’t Relent. The lyrics to the beginning of this song simply say, You won’t relent until You have it all, My heart is Yours. I want God to keep pushing me to give Him everything. Even the messed up, broken, ugly, screwed up parts of my life that I don’t want anyone else to know about.
God, don’t relent until you have it all.
No comments:
Post a Comment