One Step at a Time

So this past week I was talking to my dad on the phone and we were talking about Arizona.  We were talking about how both him and I have been going there for the past three summers, and this summer since I have a camp job I won't be going out there.  I knew that by taking this camp counselor job that it meant I wouldn't be able to go out there, but for some reason it just didn't click with me that I really wouldn't be going out there and spending time on the reservation. 
I'm so thankful for this camp job, especially with the economy how it is and how hard it is to find jobs, but how weird will it be to not be in Arizona.  
After I got off the phone with my dad I began to think about not being in Arizona.  I started to look through pictures from the past three summers and all I could do was cry.   Looking at faces made me think of how many people I have made relationships with.  I won't get to see any of them this  summer, kind of makes my heart hurt a little bit.  Being on the reservation has become like my home away from home.  Not going out there means I won't see the four little girls I met last summer, I won't see my friend Ammie, I won't see my AYM friends, I won't see the Grand Canyon,  I won't have dollar breakfast Tuesdays, no HOTR, no 25 cent wings night, and I won't get to eat Odettes :(  Most of all I will miss the people there. 
I know there is a plan as to why I'm here for the summer and I know that will unfold as the summer comes and that I can only take one step at a time.  It's just so hard to think that I won't be going to the place that holds such a huge place in my heart.  It's hard to imagine my life without the reservation and without all the people that I have met there.  To think the very first summer I went out there I didn't want to be there at all.   I thought it was going to be stupid and I had no friends there, basically I thought it was going to be an awful experience.  Look at me now...it's hard for me to stay away! My heart was definitely changed in just one short week and not a day goes by that I don't think about everything there.
For now I will set my eyes on the opportunities available this summer and look forward to going back to the reservation someday soon.  It's all in God's hands.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,  plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

1 Timothy 6:17

1 Timothy 6:17 says,  "Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment."

So I have always been very thankful for the ways that God provides, and He has always provided.  The thing is though that I have never really acknowledged to God how thankful I am for what He is doing in my life and the ways He is providing. 

I go to IWU and let me tell you it’s not cheap.  I know, my fault for choosing such an expensive school, but when it came down to it I just wanted to be close to home and be at a Christian school.  All of first semester I contemplated as to whether or not this is really where God wanted me to be, I had no idea how I was going to pay for spring semester—I still don’t—and honestly I just hated being here, and I went home just about every weekend which didn't help at all. 

  Pretty much all of fall semester Satan was really attacking me and making me feel like I wasn’t where I was supposed to be and that I had let God down.  The sad part…I believed all of it.  I was looking and looking for schools to transfer to and I had finally decided I was going to make everything right with God and go where He had wanted me to go all along…KCU.  So I called them and told them what was going on and that I felt that I was supposed to be there, they said to send in my information and that they would get in touch with me soon.  So I waited and waited until I decided I apparently had to call them.  So I did and the phone just kept ringing and ringing and ringing and it finally went to the voice mail.  I told myself no big deal, just call back later when it’s not lunchtime.   So I called back later and this time I got to talk to to someone.   She said she would get back with me again.  So I waited and waited and waited….and waited.  No call ever came back.  At first I was really depressed about this and really kind of angry, I was finally going to do what I thought God wanted me to do and He said no.   I took this as God as telling me that I was okay where I was.  He didn’t only close the door to KCU, but He slammed it.  The strange thing was though that even though I knew God closed that door I still was content with where I was.  Satan was still attacking me and telling me that I had let God down by not being where He wanted me to be, and that now there was no way to make my wrong a right.  I believed this lie more than the first.  I don’t know how many nights I cried about it or how many times when I was home I talked to my parents about it and just cried.  I hated that I had felt like I let God down.

Apparently all God wanted was for me to say, “Yes, God I will go.  If this is where you want me, send me.”  So I said it and that was the end of it, right? I wish!  My battle with finding “home” was just beginning.  I later decided that I would call BSU.  I thought hey a state school would be perfect.  There would be so many ministry opportunities available there and I could be witnessing for God all the time, that’s what He wants right?  So I went for a visit and talked with an academic advisor.  I then later applied.  I had so many things I needed to send in with school transcripts that I began to think is it even worth it with all I have to do all the time?

Right before I came back to school for 2^nd semester I was struggling with the fact that I no longer wanted to be a social worker.  I thought of many possible career choices including dental hygienist, teacher, respiratory therapist, you name it I have probably considered it. To make this story short, I have finally decided on elementary education where I can combine my passion for children with my passion to make kids want to learn and have fun.  Well I was back to trying to find another school..why I don’t know.  I called BSU again and asked how long it would take for me to get into their education program.  The man on the other end told me at least a year, maybe more.  I really had no interest in waiting a year to go to school again so I’m pretty sure that God shut that door as well.

With all these doors closed and some still closing, God has been giving me many other opportunities.   At the beginning of 2^nd semester I decided I would apply to be an RA in one of the dorms.  I did thinking okay God, if this is where I’m supposed to be you’re going to have to provide a way.  So far it looks like He is providing a way.  I have already had five interviews with five dorms and I find out this week if I will get the job! God is so faithful and this time I’m not taking control of this situation and I’m letting Him have the reins.    He has also provided me with a summer job already and it’s only February! I will be a camp counselor at a YMCA Camp, and I am so excited about this opportunity.  The ways God provides when we let Him have control of our lives is incredible….dare I say a miracle?

I am reminded of 1 Peter of 5:7 which is translated in the NLT as “Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.”  When we give up our worries to God He will provide for us—once again maybe not how we think He should—and take away our anxieties, if we give them COMPLETELY to Him.  Now I’m not saying I’m perfect at this, because it is really hard to give something that’s not tangible to someone who I can’t see, but that’s when we have to allow God to have complete reign over our hearts. 

When I think about allowing God to have control of our lives and reign over our hearts I think of the song You Won’t Relent.  The lyrics to the beginning of this song simply say, You won’t relent until You have it all, My heart is Yours.   I want God to keep pushing me to give Him everything.  Even the messed up, broken, ugly, screwed up parts of my life that I don’t want anyone else to know about.  

God, don’t relent until you have it all.

First blog....here it goes..enjoy :)

So I have finally decided to start blogging…Where to begin…perhaps I’ll begin with this past Tuesday.  This past Tuesday was like any other Tuesday; nothing special or out of the ordinary.  I still had to get up at 7 for my 8 o’clock class, oh how I despise 8 o’clock classes.  Class was let out a little early that day, probably around 9, I usually go back to my room and go back to bed but that day I had a meeting with an education professor.  I had gotten back to my room and my roommate was awake.  When I walked in the door she announced to me that our whole unit had no hot water and that no one knew when the hot water would be back on.  My reaction was something along the lines of…”WHAT!?! No hot water!? Seriously? Just our unit!?” 

I then proceeded on with my day and waited for my meeting.  Once I got back from my meeting I walked over to my suitemates room and said, “Hey, did you guys know that we, as in just our unit, have no hot water!” Once again the whole conversation started over again…only this time we were all saying, “Seriously just our unit has no hot water? that's crap!"  This may seem incredibly ridiculous to you, but seriously hot water is a HUGE deal….okay maybe not that big of deal, maybe not a big deal at all. 

We later got our precious hot water back and it wasn’t long after that God spoke to me.  I had made such a huge fuss over hot water, how incredibly ridiculous.  Yes, I said it; it was RIDICULOUS!  This is what God told me and I felt extremely convicted.  “Erin, you have the privilege of having hot water every single day.  You don’t have to do any extra work to get it.  How fortunate are you.” 

Wow!  How lame did I feel.  Here I was complaining about not having hot water for just a couple of hours, and in case you didn’t already think I was ridiculous enough for complaining here’s where it gets even better.  I wasn’t even planning on taking a shower, I had no use or need for hot water any time soon.  The thing is though how many people in this world have to go without taking a hot shower.  How many people even get to take more than one shower a week, a month?  You know, some people have to go down to the river or creek just to get “clean.”  I can’t believe I was complaining about not having hot water.  I then proceeded to ask myself, “Would you be okay if you could no longer take hot showers?”  It seems really easy to just say yeah, I could do that…cold showers aren't that bad every once in awhle.  Okay wrong cold showers suck, but what does it matter?  I would still be getting clean and the water I would be using would be clean.  I wasn’t satisfied with my answer, because honestly I didn’t have one.  I asked myself again, “Would you be okay without hot showers?”  I still couldn’t answer that question…but then this verse came to my mind.  Philippians 4:19, “And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” 

Who am I to complain about anything?  I am so fortunate to have what I do.  Besides all of that God will provide for me.  He will meet all my needs, what a great promise!  God doesn’t just promise that He will meet some of our needs, He promises to meet ALL our needs.  He may not meet them in the way we would like, but He does meet and He does provide.  Thank you God for teaching me a lesson over something as simple as having no hot water.